I've got two 'serious' blogs I'm writing. To tell you the truth, I hate writing. It's laborious, and seriously procrastination-inducing. Why? Primarily because I'm a perfectionist about it. Zillions of experts recommend that I just write whatever is waiting to be communicated, then go back and fix it later. Well, I can't get myself to do that. I try to get it perfect straight 'out of the pen'. But things don't work that way, at least not in my writing world. I labor to get it perfect as I write. THEN I go back and edit, and edit . . . and edit. It's nutso. This is the primary reason why my supposedly monthly blog is so NOT monthly. But then you get enough mail already, huh.
I'm a perfectionist about everything. This used to, and sometimes still does cause me tons of grief. Now that I understand about Human Design, at least it makes sense. The Conscious Sun on each person's chart is an aspect of themselves that they experience in all areas of life. It is likely that they experience both the positive and the not-so-positive aspects of this energy. In doing Human Design readings for people, I continue to be amazed at how absolutely consistently this is true. (If you want to read my series of posts about Human Design, they start in November 2012.)
On my Human Design chart, the Gate 26 is the Conscious Sun. This is the Gate of Truth and Integrity . . . or the absence of Truth and Integrity. Can you see how Perfectionism is right there leading the way from the top of my chart! I obsessively make more truth and integrity happen all around me. Far too frequently I see lack of what I perceive to be perfection out there, and I attempt to make my environment (including other people) conform to my standards. Of course, my standards of perfection aren't always 'right' or the 'best' way. Just MY way. Kind of unreasonable, huh. At least I recognize this now, . . . well uh, most of the time. I always appreciate my husband for putting up with me! He's got an angel's patience. And for the most part, I've got him well trained.
It gets better. Perfectionism shows up in multiple ways on my chart. Most people have a theme that runs consistently through their Human Design chart. Guess what mine is. Yup. If I were inclined to seek diagnoses from doctors, I might well have acquired a label of borderline obsessive compulsive. Fortunately, I have successfully bypassed 'medical' treatment through pharmaceuticals in favor of pursuing health through natural means like lifestyle and diet.
Back to struggles with writing. There is an exception to the rule. When I'm actually inspired to write, it just comes out, practically by itself, unbidden. My only role in this manifestation of finished prose is providing the physical vehicle that types the keys and pushes the Publish button. That's called 'authorship'? I imagine this is how some authors experience writing. For me, it's a rarity.
However, today is an inspired writing day. My two serious postings are temporarily on hold. But then I was already seriously practicing my procrastination skills.
Perfectionist Fuss Budget
As a Perfectionist, I frequently have comments, suggestions, etc. that I want to offer to other people. (Dear Reader and Perfectionist colleague, can you relate to this??) Human Design taught me that when giving feedback, suggestions, or advice, it is ALWAYS a good idea to first ask the person if they want feedback. Then be gracefully accepting of their decision if they decline. (Take note of this, everyone. Anyone and everyone can benefit from this wisdom. Give someone unsolicited advice, and watch their hackles come up. First ask them for permission to share. Understanding this makes life with other people so much easier!)
Giving feedback through e-mail is potentially problematic. The interpersonal connection is weak, and there is no real-time interaction. But I endeavor to communicate anyway, and tell the person that I have feedback for them. I ask if they want my input, and say that if they don't want the input, they can stop reading my message. I hope this works as intended. Noone has ever told me how they respond emotionally to receiving these messages.
Returning to the Perfectionist Fuss Budget story. A training program I am completing is currently implementing some excellent program enhancements. I received a piece of work to do and had several significant ways that I felt it could be improved to be more clear. Watch out! There's a Perfectionist on the rampage. Through e-mail, I gave my suggestions for the training lesson in question, then went about my day.
In addition to being a Perfectionist, I'm also obsessively concerned about offending people. This area is fraught with lack-of-perfection potential for me. When I start obsessing about things, they don't leave me alone until I communicate about them. So I wrote another e-mail, explaining my intention to help, and that I hope no offense was taken. Being Me can be so exhausting. Whew.
As I was writing the closing lines of the e-mail, . . . that's when the moniker Perfectionist Fuss Budget was born! (I make up here that when creative inspiration hits, one is prone to using vocabulary that never, ever see the light of day in normal conversation. Moniker?? Unbidden, rampage, hackles, and fraught? I tell you. All that vocabulary plus Perfectionist Fuss Budget in one day. I looked up 'unbidden' to make sure it's a word, so clearly it's not part of my normal lexicon. Wikipedia doesn't have it, the dictionary does. It's inspired creativity. And today's moniker and words all fit, just right. Inspiration drives me to write - and to finish. It's so NOT like my normal writing process.)
Ease & Grace
I like my new moniker. It absolutely suits me, while adding humor and lightness to my excessively serious way of being. I feel more loving and accepting of myself. Hard as I may be on other people, it's always Yours Truly who receives the brunt of my criticism.
Are You a Perfectionist Fuss Budget?
You're welcome to join my new mini-club. Is there a Facebook page for us already?
Love Yourself, My Friend!
As always, you are so very much appreciated. Thank you for being there.
Love Yourself! You are a Miracle!
Sandra Lynn Lee
Licensed Massage Practitioner, Washington
Human Design Specialist
Certified Practitioner - The Emotion Code/The Body Code
Certified Healing Codes Practitioner
Everything in this newsletter is the opinion of the author and is provided for informational and educational purposes only. When information is drawn from outside sources, both credit and access to the source are given, when available.
Copyright 2014 Miracle Inspirations. All rights reserved.