Human Design is what first helped me focus awareness on the human tendency to Take Things Personally. As this has always been a personal bugaboo, viewing it from a Human Design perspective has been enlightening.
Taking Things Personally is a persistent challenge for people everywhere. It’s a topic that comes up in Human Design readings with just about everyone.
This post is Part 3 of the Taking Things Personally series. We are finally discussing Human Design! And how some people are even more susceptible to Take Things Personally than is everyone else – By Design. Aren’t we fortunate??
If you struggle with Taking Things Personally, this three-part blog series helps you understand that you are not alone! It also provides practical strategies for handling real-life situations.
Today we talk about Human Design and how some people are extra sensitive and susceptible to this interpersonal challenge.
You might want to know that this article is longer than the first two installments in this mini series. It’s worth the time and effort! I explain relevant Human Design chart aspects, then provide practical strategies.
To read the first two articles in this Taking Things Personally mini series, please go to Difficult Relationships & Surviving the Holidays and Biology & Taking Things Personally. (Click the article names.) Part 1 introduced an I’m-the-center-of-everything perspective as the origin of the human tendency to take things personally. Part 2 talks about how Taking Things Personally is an instinctive, biologically-based survival strategy. Both articles offer practical strategies for learning how to get through troublesome situations when you are interacting with people.
Now, let’s add Human Design into the mix.
Throughout my life, Taking Things Personally has been such a repeated relationship theme that I qualify myself as a real expert. I get tied up in knots and paralyzed. It’s an uncomfortable topic to discuss, so I’ve been procrastinating. But this article will get completed someday…. So, let’s go.
Energy Centers in Human Design Charts
Let’s introduce you to the Centers, or shapes, in Human Design charts that are most relevant to the Taking Things Personally dynamic.
Identity/G Center & Will/Ego Center — Heart Chakra
Look at two Centers in the middle of the Triangle on a Human Design chart. Together, these two Centers are considered the equivalent of the Heart Chakra or the Heart Center. They are central to who you are in the world, and to how you feel about yourself.
The diamond is the Identity Center, also called the G Center. It is yellow when Defined, and white when Undefined. (In case you are wondering, the colors themselves do not carry particular meanings. Centers are either Defined and Colored, or Undefined and White.)
The Identity Center is associated with a person’s sense of Lovability, their sense of who they are, their values, and their direction. By Lovability I mean feeling like one is lovable, able to be loved, deserving of love, etc. The ability to feel love, towards oneself or others is also here. So this is about both giving and receiving love.
The small triangle next to the diamond is the Will Center, also called the Ego Center. It is red when Defined, and white when Undefined.
The Will Center is associated with a person’s sense of value, and of contributing and making a difference.
You can see in this triangle that the Identity and Will Centers are Defined.
The Throat Center is the brown square near the top of the chart.
The Throat Center is where you communicate and are heard, where you get things done, and where you are seen, recognized and appreciated.
That sentence describes experiences that Everyone wants to have.
It makes sense. It’s human nature to desire to have as many affirming, successful experiences as possible. Getting things done and being understood. Receiving acknowledgment and recognition.
Looking at the triangle from my chart, you see that the Identity, Will, and Throat Centers are all Defined. The Throat is directly connected to both the Identity Center and the Will Center with Channels that are Defined or colored. This is also true for the example triangle above.
Taking Things Personally
In Human Design, when any Defined Channel connects the Throat to EITHER the Identity Center or the Will Center, that person has a stronger than usual tendency to Take Things Personally.
Many people will have one of these connections. It is less common to have both.
For me, the Channel 13/33 connects the Throat and Identity Centers, and the Channel 45/21 connects the Throat and Will Centers.
There are numerous ways that the Throat and Identity and/or Will Centers can be connected. For some people, the route is roundabout, going through any of the other Centers in the lower part of the chart. (Sacral and Root, the other two squares; Emotional Solar Plexus, the triangle on the right; and Spleen, the triangle on the left.)
Look carefully at this chart triangle. None of the Channels above the Identity Center are complete. Both the Identity (yellow) and the Will (red triangle) connect to the Throat (brown square) by way of the Spleen (brown triangle).
This person may be prone to Take Things Personally. But their experience would probably be quite different from my own. Because of the particular path that the Identity/Will takes to connect with the Throat.
Each person is uniquely Designed. Divinely so!
How Does This Work?
When someone responds to something that I do or say, it reflects on my Lovability and Identity, and on my Worth and Value. I am going to take their response personally!
The Throat Center is the energy center through which I communicate and am heard. It is where I get things done. It is where I am seen. It is where I receive recognition, acknowledgement, and appreciation.
WHAT IF SOMEONE LOVES WHAT I’VE SAID? OR THEY PRAISE ME, AND THANK ME FOR WHAT I’VE DONE.
That reflects positively back to my Identity Center. The energy center representing my sense of lovability and of who I am. This can reinforce my experience of being lovable and my sense of who I am.
It also reflects positively back to my Will Center. The energy center representing my sense of worth and value. This reinforces my experience that I make a difference, that I am contributing positively to people and to the world.
WHAT IF SOMEONE CRITICIZES ME FOR WHAT I’VE SAID? WHAT IF THEY REJECT ME FOR SOMETHING I’VE DONE?
That reflects negatively back to my Identity Center. This can undermine my sense of being worthy of love and my sense of who I am. I may feel like I’m unlovable. I may feel like I’m a terrible person.
It also reflects negatively back to my Will Center. This can undermine my sense of worth and value. I may feel like I’m worthless. That I don’t make a difference. That I have nothing of value to contribute.
Your Unique Experience
You are learning that some people Take Things Personally – By Design. This could be your experience, or the experience of someone you know and love.
Each person’s chart is different. Twins might have birth times moments apart and have virtually identical charts. But they would still experience their charts differently.CHARTS & READINGS
If you want to understand about your personal and unique Human Design, consider having a reading to interpret your chart. This will make sense of the events and circumstances of your life, and provide you with practical strategies for managing them. Click the button to go to my Charts & Readings page.
What’s Wrong With Me?
When learning about your own Human Design, it is likely that there will be aspects that you consistently experience as challenging. You may have things that you always seem to struggle with.
Learning that you are Designed to have these challenges and struggles can feel … depressing. You may feel like you’re doomed.
Why me? It’s not fair.
What’s wrong with me?!?
Believe me, I get it.
What Do I DO??
Practical Strategy #1
Come to peace with it. Recognize the following.
- There’s nothing wrong with you
- There’s nothing wrong with anyone else
- You didn’t do anything wrong
- Noone else did anything wrong
- You can’t turn it off.
Once you realize that this is where you are, you can choose to accept it. And find ways to Manage the challenging experiences when they occur.
This goes for all potentially challenging aspects of your chart. Including Taking Things Personally.
What To Do?
Try this practical survival strategy when faced with situations where you are Taking Things Personally. Trust that it will get easier with practice. (You can continue using the practical strategies from Part 1 and Part 2 of this series. Really, they are all versions of the same awareness, choice, and action sequence.)
This section most applies if you have a Throat-to-Identity or Throat-to-Will connection. But even if your chart does not have these connections, you can still apply the practical strategies.
Practical Strategy #2 & More
Don’t take things personally.
- Become aware that I’m responding to someone’s reaction to something I did or said. Awareness is the key!
- Breathe. Pause and consider what to do.
- Recognize that I’m taking what someone did or said personally. Increased awareness.
- Recognize that I’m feeling like I’m bad or wrong, that something I did or said was bad or wrong, that there’s something wrong with me, or ____________? Increased awareness.
- Recognize that my Throat-to-Identity or Throat-to-Will connection has been activated, and that I’m Taking Things Personally. Increased awareness.
- Breathe. Pause and consider what to do.
- Consciously choose how to respond. Calm down. I take control of how I feel.
- Recognize my tendency to change myself to keep someone happy. Increased awareness.
- Do I want to do that? Consciously choose how to respond. I take control of how I feel.
- “Whatever is going on with this person is their thing! It’s not about me!”
- I choose to be understanding with myself. Loving. I take control of how I feel.
- I let go of being upset. I take control of how I feel.
- I choose to be as much my self as I am able to be.
What do you think? Try it. It certainly can’t make things any worse, right?
Imagine using these strategies, when faced with people responding to you in ways that trigger upset or defensive reactions.
Imagine being there. Practice makes it easier to implement a new strategy in the moment. When that challenging person is in front of you, can you find the presence of mind to respond in a new way?
Reprogramming is not easy! Practice. Every tiny shift in your experience is progress.